Contest Winner, LJ Delays, and What I've Been Reading

[alanajoli]

I posted an entry on Sunday night, announcing the contest winner from last week. (Congratulations, SiNn! Your book went in the mail today!) Unfortunately, LJ ate it. So, no contest this week. You'll have to wait 'til Friday or Saturday (whichever day I wind up posting) to hear about the new fairy book (and additional incentive).

I've been reading a couple of really interesting books lately. One, The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, was recommended to me by Locus writer and artist Adam Black, who I met during my active DrunkDuck days. (He was writing the KISS Web comic while I was working on Cowboys and Aliens II; we've had some great discussions about the treatment of female characters in comics.) It's essentially a book about men who learn the necessary social tricks and cues to get women to go home with them. Both fascinating and disturbing (due to the complete objectification of women that, unsurprisingly, results), it's an incredible study of human interaction, much of which, I think, can be applied beyond the very specific sphere covered by the book. To some degree, people all manipulate situations to their best advantage -- or play roles based on their social circle or family position -- and we all learn skills of how to "manage" friends or peers or family. We know which co-worker will react best to blunt criticism, and which friend will have to be coached through any sort of life upheaval with great care and support (rather than the swift kick in the pants they might sometimes deserve). This is that same idea taken to an extreme, for what might be considered a nefarious -- or at least dishonest, selfish, etc. -- purpose. And, of course, the book is set up such that it's clear the situation will crash and burn by the end -- we're just watching the train wreck get set up.

The other title is a book that was recommended to me by Contrapositive Diarist Jeff Duntemann (jeff_duntemann) when I was talking about crosses and other symbols. Called Outward Signs: The Language of Christian Symbolism by Edward N. West, it's an amazing reference book that includes brilliantly simple line illustrations for symbols of the church, from different crosses to the meanings behind animals to heraldic representations of saints. Perhaps best of all is a lovely introduction by Madeline l'Engle. I'm returning the library copy but have already placed an order through Alibris.com to procure a used copy for my own. (The book, sadly, appears to be out of print.)

I very rarely make my way all the way through nonfiction titles (it's no surprise that I've been picking up Outward Signs in spurts, and is a huge surprise to me how quickly I got wrapped up in The Game), so posting about two together is quite a rarity for me. What are other folks reading these days that they find worth talking about?

Comments

[alanajoli.livejournal.com]

It is true -- and it's really that understanding how people work aspect that fascinates me the most. It also reminds me a bit of Ender's Game, and how much the end of that novel messed me up, because I could completely understand why the adults had done what they did. The logic of the manipulation -- for a *greater* cause -- and feeling sympathy for that was terrifying to me, because ultimately, you come away from the novel feeling like those adults are pretty horrible people.

But in every part of our lives we manage some aspect of ourselves -- what part of myself do I present to my bosses vs. my peers vs. (dare I say) my blog readers? There are things I don't discuss here on the blog, not out of manipulation, but out of creating a distance between aspects of my life that are personal and aspects that are public (and hence able to be syndicated). There's also an aspect of marketing involved -- how do I best present myself to people who will potentially want to read my fiction?

None of it is dishonest, but it is, to some degree, calculated. Some folks do this unconsciouslly and are really natural about it. I'm somewhere in the middle, in part because the idea of conscious management of human interactions has always fascinated me. And some people never learn the social cues they need to interact, so it all has to be calculated.

At any rate, yes, it was a very interesting read, no less because it sparked this thought process in my brain. :)

manipulation, calculation, distance, self representation, etc.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

You put this so well. I think part of what makes us uneasy is that somehow we feel that we're not being genuine if we do give things forethought--and yet that's not necessarily true at all. As you say, some people can accomplish self-management without giving it a thought at all, whereas other people do think about it. And good point also about the person who can't read social cues.

I think thinking about it can mean healthy self-awareness (thought maybe too much thinking about it can be unhealthy hyperawareness---but a lot depends on the person).

This is tangential, but: one thing I've noticed, very definitely, is that my sense of online interactions and what I feel comfortable with is constantly evolving. My impressions of things have changed as I've been online longer.

Re: manipulation, calculation, distance, self representation, etc.

[alanajoli.livejournal.com]

Yes, thank you! We like to think that being honest is about not thinking about interacting -- but if you don't think about how you interact, you can be, well, thoughtless. ;) But yes, there's a fine balance between self-aware and hyperaware, so I'll probably leave off thinking about this for a bit until it comes back to the top of my brain!

Online interactions do seem to grow and evolve and change -- especially the ones that feel like you actually know a person, despite never having met. Since I have many "co-workers" who are online (or via phone) only, there's a weird sense of disconnect between physical reality and the one in which I work on a daily basis. :)