alanajoli: (Default)
Alana Joli Abbott ([personal profile] alanajoli) wrote2007-04-30 10:24 pm

A conversation about eyes

My first reader Arielle Kesweder and I had the following conversation via chat the other day. I thought it was interesting (read: humorous) enough to share. It's a little cleaned up (typos and such are acceptable in chat, but not in blogging), but all of the content has retained its original intent.

Me: What color are Lydia DuShain's eyes?
Arielle: I want to say green, but...... I could be wrong
Me: I don't think I've ever said.
Arielle: Really? You've never done the "such and such color eyes flashing"?
Me: Kennerly has green eyes, but none of the other main characters seem to have designated colors.
Arielle: Do a search for the word eye--shouldn't take that long.
Me: Longer than you'd think.
Arielle: Really?
Me: I use "eyes" a lot.

Five minutes later, after searching through the word document of Departure:

Me: So I definitely gave the color of Hesam's eyes, and the color of the eyes of the former priestess of Nate'.

Three minutes later in the ongoing search...

Me: Waha! Nara has brown eyes with gold flecks. Still no Lydia.
Arielle: So far so good...

Another two minutes pass...

Me: Jonas has brown eyes.
Arielle: lol. You should be writing this down somewhere.
Me: I am. Right here in the chat window.

Four minutes later, moving into searching the current document of Regaining Home:

Me: I use the word eyes a lot
Arielle: How many times? Is it counting?
Me: (Some unnamed minor character on page 144 has green eyes) It isn't counting, no.
Arielle: Ah. I'd be curious to know.

After a clever find and replace of "eyes" with "eyes":

Me: In 163 pages, I've used the word eyes 183 times.
Arielle: Wow. That's more than once per page.
Me: I know. It's not something I would have noticed without a find and replace mechanism, though.
Arielle: Does it make you question your usage?
Me: Well, every time you describe a character closing his or her eyes, she or he has to open them on the same page. Or usually does.
Arielle: Ah, see, now that makes sense.
Me: I often describe what the eyes are doing, or what the eyes are expressing. "She felt their eyes on her as she moved" rather than "She felt someone watching her."
Arielle: Unless you put the time limit in the first descrpition: "She closed her eyes for just a second."
Me: Well, yes. But the closing and opening of eyes is often indicative of an emotional expression as well.
Arielle: Eyes are very important. I'm no longer surprised you'd use them so much. Very telling feature.
Me: (Of course, now that we know, we're going to notice it in my writing every time it comes up.)
Arielle: Well, -now- I will be since I know that now you are
Me: Never mind! I said nothing. I'm only going to be paranoid about it, so better for you not to notice.
Arielle: I will now be watching for signs of you being paranoid about it, and quite possibly tease you about in my comments. It's a thing now :)

For the record, Lydia now officially has green eyes. Taru has always had gold eyes in my head, but apparently never had it on paper.

And there you have it: disecting usage of the word "eyes" in a fantasy novel. Please, don't go through with a highlighter.

(Anonymous) 2007-05-01 07:44 pm (UTC)(link)
This is actually a huge issue in first drafts of almost every author, and it doesn't stop with "nod her head." Here are some others:

"raised up"
"shouted out"
"fell down"
"drew out" (as in a sword)

I could go on and on, but I have a novel to edit . . . ;-)

Shawn

[identity profile] slwhitman.livejournal.com 2007-05-01 07:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Hee. I could have gone on myself, but I decided to spare Alana. :)

[identity profile] alanajoli.livejournal.com 2007-05-01 07:48 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm sure there are still more... but yes, sparing me until I finish this draft would be great. Y'all can pick apart the next one, as I hope to finish it *before* it's contracted. Seems like it could be a nice change of pace.

[identity profile] alanajoli.livejournal.com 2007-05-01 07:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Because you're the best!