A conversation about eyes

[alanajoli]

My first reader Arielle Kesweder and I had the following conversation via chat the other day. I thought it was interesting (read: humorous) enough to share. It's a little cleaned up (typos and such are acceptable in chat, but not in blogging), but all of the content has retained its original intent.

Me: What color are Lydia DuShain's eyes?
Arielle: I want to say green, but...... I could be wrong
Me: I don't think I've ever said.
Arielle: Really? You've never done the "such and such color eyes flashing"?
Me: Kennerly has green eyes, but none of the other main characters seem to have designated colors.
Arielle: Do a search for the word eye--shouldn't take that long.
Me: Longer than you'd think.
Arielle: Really?
Me: I use "eyes" a lot.

Five minutes later, after searching through the word document of Departure:

Me: So I definitely gave the color of Hesam's eyes, and the color of the eyes of the former priestess of Nate'.

Three minutes later in the ongoing search...

Me: Waha! Nara has brown eyes with gold flecks. Still no Lydia.
Arielle: So far so good...

Another two minutes pass...

Me: Jonas has brown eyes.
Arielle: lol. You should be writing this down somewhere.
Me: I am. Right here in the chat window.

Four minutes later, moving into searching the current document of Regaining Home:

Me: I use the word eyes a lot
Arielle: How many times? Is it counting?
Me: (Some unnamed minor character on page 144 has green eyes) It isn't counting, no.
Arielle: Ah. I'd be curious to know.

After a clever find and replace of "eyes" with "eyes":

Me: In 163 pages, I've used the word eyes 183 times.
Arielle: Wow. That's more than once per page.
Me: I know. It's not something I would have noticed without a find and replace mechanism, though.
Arielle: Does it make you question your usage?
Me: Well, every time you describe a character closing his or her eyes, she or he has to open them on the same page. Or usually does.
Arielle: Ah, see, now that makes sense.
Me: I often describe what the eyes are doing, or what the eyes are expressing. "She felt their eyes on her as she moved" rather than "She felt someone watching her."
Arielle: Unless you put the time limit in the first descrpition: "She closed her eyes for just a second."
Me: Well, yes. But the closing and opening of eyes is often indicative of an emotional expression as well.
Arielle: Eyes are very important. I'm no longer surprised you'd use them so much. Very telling feature.
Me: (Of course, now that we know, we're going to notice it in my writing every time it comes up.)
Arielle: Well, -now- I will be since I know that now you are
Me: Never mind! I said nothing. I'm only going to be paranoid about it, so better for you not to notice.
Arielle: I will now be watching for signs of you being paranoid about it, and quite possibly tease you about in my comments. It's a thing now :)

For the record, Lydia now officially has green eyes. Taru has always had gold eyes in my head, but apparently never had it on paper.

And there you have it: disecting usage of the word "eyes" in a fantasy novel. Please, don't go through with a highlighter.

Comments

[slwhitman.livejournal.com]

Actually, it's something I'm trying to get authors to stop doing, at least so often. If you use any one device 183 times in 160 pages, perhaps you need a new device to break things up. You've got this trick in your bag of tricks--now what other tricks do you have to show emotional reactions?

There are a LOT, a LOT of authors who rely on the eyes to show emotion. But at the same time the character might turn her back, he might sigh, she might lick her lips, he might pick at his cuticles. Each of these actions denotes an emotion as well, and are just as telling or more so than the eyes.

(Also: if you ever have someone "nod his head," don't. What else are you going to nod? Your elbow? But that's a pet peeve of mine... :) )

[alanajoli.livejournal.com]

It is one among many of the things I describe about the characters--and now that I'm aware of it, I have been trying other things in place of where I'm naturally inclined to go the eyes route. (It's also often one of those things that occurs simultaneously to another reaction--tilting a face up toward the warmth of the sun, or pinching the bridge of the nose.) I'm not sure what the simple wordcount reveals, and I think I'd have to go back through and look at every instance to see why I chose to use it where I used it to get a full picture of what's there.

But yes, with numbers like that, it is something I need to be aware of. Perhaps not paranoid, but definitely aware.

I'll keep the nodding in mind--I think I usually just have characters nod (something else I realized I do more than I should, so I've tried to find other ways of gesturing the affirmative). I'll actually point both of these things out to my editor, though, so he can keep his eyes open for them.

[(Anonymous)]

This is actually a huge issue in first drafts of almost every author, and it doesn't stop with "nod her head." Here are some others:

"raised up"
"shouted out"
"fell down"
"drew out" (as in a sword)

I could go on and on, but I have a novel to edit . . . ;-)

Shawn

[slwhitman.livejournal.com]

Hee. I could have gone on myself, but I decided to spare Alana. :)

[alanajoli.livejournal.com]

I'm sure there are still more... but yes, sparing me until I finish this draft would be great. Y'all can pick apart the next one, as I hope to finish it *before* it's contracted. Seems like it could be a nice change of pace.

[alanajoli.livejournal.com]

Because you're the best!

[dmoonfire.livejournal.com]

Eye color is one of those important things to me, but the "eyes" made me laugh. When I got an edit back for WBM, the editor had on page 109, "Okay, I'm tired of the sighing."

[alanajoli.livejournal.com]

My characters smile too much, as well. I've tried to fix that in this novel--I really need to focus on other body language, as slwhitman suggests. But faces are so... expressive! :)

[eyezofwolf.livejournal.com]

I understand! Sighing was my curse in book two...

[eyezofwolf.livejournal.com]

I've been told that in my first book, people hugged too much, and in the second, they sighed too much. So, apparently, I switch around. I can understand what you are talking about and what you are going through. It's tough, but it all in the name of improvement, right? :smiles:

One thing that I have found VERY useful - I keep a cheat sheet. Whenever I add a character that will be involved for more than a page, I add their name to the cheat sheet. I make some notes about what they look like and some general comments about their demeanor. Not a lot, but enough so that I am sure that it will be consistent. Too many times I have found myself reading back through pages upon pages wondering "what color eyes did this person have?" or "what season is it?" or any number of other things. It has helped me a TON.

[alanajoli.livejournal.com]

I was actually really surprised that I *hadn't* done this for the trilogy. My list has hobbies, favorite colors, hair color, histories... but no eye color. Since I use it so often, you'd think I'd have listed it somewhere!